i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
