just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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