i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
