So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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