did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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