so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
