just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize