People in love make me want to vomit
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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