i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
