I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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