She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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