What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
