omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
