he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You left your phone here
Wait...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize