I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
