this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
