One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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