i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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