The beer is more important than you right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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