life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
