you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
