Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
