we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
