if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
