mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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