id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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