Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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