There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
