she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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