Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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