she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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