Im at strip club and am horny
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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