So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
