my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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