my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
