you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
