so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize