Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
