Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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