I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
