Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am mentally ready for anal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
