Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COCAINE IS GR8
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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