Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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