I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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