She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
