I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
