You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
