just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
