i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was like eating out sand paper
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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