Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
