So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
