Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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