Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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