Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I touched a dick in church today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
