i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We have started to decorate penises.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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