Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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