I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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