Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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