what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
