Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
