Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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