If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
