your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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