for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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