im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
