hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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