I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
