i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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