Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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