I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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