Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
