Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
